As I was running into work today, I texted my best friend “I Miss You”. Four hours later when I finally retrieved to the bathroom, I looked at my phone. A reply, “Me Too. I need a break from my kids”. I knew it was too late in the evening to send a text responding to her assumed overwhelming urge to pull her hair out. The sad thing is this is a new normal. You see, I miss my best friend. She too has a family and a full house of children tugging at her heart strings. You would think my best friend lived far away, maybe even in another state. No, she lives only a 15 min drive from my home. She stays home to raise her three young boys and a baby girl, while I work full time while trying to raise my own children who are all almost self-sufficient. We both have a husband who works full time, we both love sushi, drinks, dancing, going to the salon, watching movies, traveling and sleeping. And yet our lives are consumed not with these loves, but with diapers, home school, natural parenting, debates, shower-less days, under eye circles, eye rolling, teeth gritting, and feelings of non-privacy. (If I could just pee by myself with no one knocking at the bathroom door.)
Did life really replace my best friend? Did life really replace me? From a young age I was the “mother”. I lived on my own during my teenage years and was a young mother also. I never knew what it was like to be taken care of until I met my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I love caring for others and it even defines who I am in my employment. But what if I stopped for a moment and took care of myself. Is self-care selfish? Surely I would feel this way. Maybe what my best friend and I needed was just some self-care.
Karyl McBride, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist advises, “Self-care is about taking good care of our own feelings so we don’t project them onto others, act badly, or cause problems in relationships. Being in touch with our own feelings and embracing them is the healthiest thing we can do.” To me, this makes sense. Will it be difficult? Yes. I am assuming the children will complain about not spending time with them. I am assuming time will be difficult to find while either our husbands or a sitter watches the children. And then there is the money. Do I really need to spend money to bring myself self-care? I am going to have to convince myself not to try to solve problems during my self-care, but to look within and get to know me. What to do? Something free…let’s see, go sit and eat my lunch at a park. No, I will be thinking about how the kids would love being here. Go sit down by the lake and watch the waves. No, I might be tempted to jump in and not come back. Shopping, no, that’s money spent and little ones birthday is coming up. Sleep. That actually sounds wonderful, but I think defeats the purpose of looking within my soul.
Maybe my best friend will have an idea. I am thinking a glass of wine and Earthing should do the trick. I miss my best friend, but I also miss me.
How do you self-care? Tell us by commenting below.
For more info:
Earthing: click here
Self-Care: click here