Lover’s Day

Open-Marriage

April 23rd was “Lovers Day”.  I saw Happy Lovers Day everywhere.  But what if we didn’t need another person to celebrate this minuscule copy of Valentine’s Day? What if for one moment, we understood Lover’s Day was to love everyone?  Sure there are couples, boy meets girl, girl meets girl, boy meets girl, and what if we all loved each other and that was enough?

Putting aside the sex part, loving one another has to be a prime goal of today’s society to ensure our survival. When we turn on the news it seems they report an increase of killings, war, and hatefulness. When we try to raise our children, we are faced with bullying and suicide. When it comes to our marriage we encounter infidelity, physical and mental abuse, rape, and even neglect. Even our “go to” places like church are filled with many judgmental and hypocritical parishioners.  Think for a moment if we ended the “Love Labels” and just loved each other.

Expectations in our lives will ruin us. There is such an increase in what we expect from our “labeled lover’s” that there is no way one person can be everything to another person.  Our expectations have changed over the last one hundred years. Women in the workforce, roles reverse, labels added, dads staying home, travel, schools, and our unrealistic expectations of fidelity. In 2017 according to the western world, the definition of “cheating” goes way beyond the act of sex. The fact that there is a threat to a relationship constitutes cheating.  A “like” on an ex’s Facebook post, a drunken text, confiding in a coworker of the opposite sex, masturbating to a porn site, even a gaze of a passerby. Any idea that your partners attention is placed somewhere besides with you and only you is an irrational yet real offense for some. But where do these internal offenses’ come from? They come from your need to control. When that is interrupted many of us feel abandonment, fear, or inadequacy. Our “Green Monster” surfaces and we will do anything to regain what we feel is at risk. But what if we embraced the feeling of jealously? What if we actually communicated with our Lovers and discussed these fears we have before they even took hold of our heart and stirred our minds.  We would then truly accept and love one another. The western world is in love with the idea of being in love, yet we refuse to exhibit the unconditional love we so desire ourselves.

krista-mangulsone-53122Not accepting multiple people to love, reminds me of the one of the most repeated lines from the Ghostbusters movie: “…dogs and cats living together — mass hysteria!” (Bill Murray)  Is it truly mass hysteria to share your joy, your ambitions, your passions or your future with more than one lover and everyone involved share your love also? It sure is more appealing than the 53% divorce rate or the 41% of marriages where one or both spouses admit to emotional or physical infidelity in America.

So I employ you, the next time you have the chance to show love, do it. Don’t back down. Make “Lovers Day” everyone’s day.

-Alice

 

Monogamy Myths

Infidelity Stats

April Rain brings May Flowers

maria-victoria-heredia-reyes-20882.jpg  It’s raining again. For most of us this can mean rushing around, trying to find your umbrella you know you placed in the closet last fall and wondering what this will do to our ever so perfect straight hair. As you run to your car in hopes maybe a sprinkle will all but grace you, now you feel the wet splash of the ground puddles hitting the hem of your pants. Wonderful. Many of us will look at the gloomy sky and feel tired, drained and somewhat depressed. Your head is shouting, “Where is the sun?”  Rest assure, the rain has a purpose.

My 11-year-old son is able to know when it is going to rain before i have even looked at the forecast or even seen a cloud in the sky. You see, he can smell Petrichor like a nose of a bloodhound. Petrichor is the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil. In Greek Mythology, it is derived from the word stone and means “fluid that flows in the veins of the gods.”  Of course as it starts to sprinkle, i am able to smell it but never before it occurs. 

According to Gardening Know How “there are three potential situations with water: too much, too little and, of course, just enough. If a plant’s soil has too much water, the roots can rot, and the plant can’t get enough oxygen from the soil. If there is not enough water for a plant, the nutrients it needs cannot travel through the plant. A plant cannot grow if it doesn’t have healthy roots, so the proper balance of water is key.”  This is a wonderful way to associate our relationships within our lives. There have been those relationships that are so smothering and toxic they don’t allow us to grow. They cover us with their controlling and fearful baggage so much, that our soul is unable to reach our potential. They hold us back and prevent us from expressing our true selves. Then there are the relationships that leave us feeling abandoned. Like the plants that do not have enough rain, being in a relationship that is equal to abstinence can be damaging to our heart and mind. That horrible feeling of loneliness even if they are within reach. Instead of feeling uplifted, you feel empty as if you are not worthy of their importance.

The best kind of relationship is the perfect amount of Petrichor. When we enjoy our relationship, when we feel as though we have enough water, enough love, enough value, and enough room to grow. A healthy relationship will compliment you, not complete you. You will be encouraged, and your soul will feel free to be who you are because acceptance in bountiful.

So the next time the clouds are full and the sky is crying, remember just the right amount of water, the right amount of love will allow the fluid to run through your veins. For you are deserving of even the smallest sprinkle.

-Alice
For more info on the science of Petrichor, Click Here
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I Am Tired Of Waiting

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That one person you can’t remove from your thoughts.  You make the logical decision to push away because you know it is better for your life if they are not in it. You have moved on. Or have you?

Many of us have that old flame that won’t burn out. Maybe it is a high school crush, a love from college or even an ex coworker. Please can’t you just leave my mind? I fill my life with family, work, and local events and yet you litter my dreams with your charm. I haven’t spoken to you in what seems a lifetime and when I least expect it, there you are. Unfortunately we run with the same friends so of course I see you on social media and social gatherings.  As much as I want you to disappear, I want to know you are doing alright. So I look. There you are. That smile, those lips, and the piercing eyes. Sigh.

I think about all the promises we made to each other, the laughter, the tears, the times when you listened and I poured my heart out. Most importantly I think about waiting for that phone to ring and it never did. The message you didn’t respond to and the choice where you picked her and not me.

Toxic? Maybe. Addict? Yes. You see you are like a drug. I love to hate you and hate to love you. I know in my mind what is good for my soul. Run! I tell myself. Don’t look back! This is the final time I say goodbye. Emotionally I have nothing left to give. Then you appear. I smile. I feel my heart flutter. I take a hit. After all, drugs won’t kill me. A message from you won’t kill me. Your flattery won’t kill me. I am happy again, and then just like that, you vanish. I am dying.

I am over feeling the highs and lows. I am worth more than just your bootie call. I am worth more than your emotional punching bag.  I am worth more than you can give. I am tired of waiting for my drug. I vow to stay clean and sober. I am tired of waiting for you.

-Alice

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Men, Check Yourselves

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April is testicular cancer awareness month so I wanted to take a few minutes to give you a little bit of information on the leading cancer in men for ages 15 -44. When caught early there is a 95 percent survival rate, however the key phrase being “detected early”.

There are many sources on the internet that talk about testicular cancer awareness, and site after site all mention the best way to survive this type of cancer is early detection. One source I have discovered is the “Get a Grip” campaign. The campaign talks about ways to examine yourself once a month, much the same that is recommended with women and breast cancer.

The “Get A Grip” campaign web page points out that because young men haven’t been informed or taught the importance of a self-exam, death for testicular cancer in the 15-34 age group outpaces the number of deaths from breast cancer by women in the same age group.

So fellas, please take a few minutes to do a little research on testicular cancer, a few minutes of reading may just save your life, besides the longer us men live, the longer we get to stick and around and be a thorn in the sides of women.

For more information, Click Here

-Pragma